growth & judgment

Judgment is a defense mechanism. It alleviates us of the responsibility to look inward at our own beliefs and opinions that cause us tension. Instead we pass the blame; we say it’s your fault I feel like this. What happens when we repeatedly pass over personal responsibility for the ease of judgment? What happens if we never review our opinions as they’re challenged? It’s not farfetched to assume this becomes a habit like anything else we practice again and again.

What if our children start challenging our beliefs and opinions with who they inherently are? Suddenly the child we once loved, the child who we thought God made perfect in his image - is queer. Is trans. Is open with her sexuality. Suddenly there’s a disconnect between our values, beliefs, and opinions and our reality. And we’re stuck here - in the habit of judgment. What happens then? What do we choose? If we’ve made a lifelong habit of never reviewing our values, beliefs, and opinions and evolving them as needed, we will likely not have the emotional capacity to do so later in life. We will likely have to say to our child: it’s your fault I feel like this, who you are is wrong.

Evolving our thoughts and living above judgment requires internal work - that we admit our past selves were wrong. It takes vulnerability, but vulnerability isn’t easy in a judgmental world. It’s excruciating when we begin trying, which is often why we’ve avoided it for so long. But it’s a pain that eases with practice, like stretching muscles after years of stagnancy. And like stretching, it gives us flexibility when we’re challenged.

Internal work provides us with confidence and security, and as we practice it our need for defense mechanisms, like judgment, lessens. We aren’t threatened by the identity of another, or things we don’t understand. We’re able to hold space for multiple realities. Where it was once black and white, colors emerge. Instead of judging our children when they’re open with us we’re able to still see the perfect child of God we once knew. We’re reminded that God doesn’t make mistakes, and that each human was indeed perfectly crafted for their time here on Earth. We accept that the lives of others are the business of others, which alleviates us of the responsibly we once put on ourselves.

By freeing others of judgment, we free ourselves as well.

photo by Alyssa Lentz