coming out

Originally published on April 2nd

The term woman has never felt like home to me. I used to think it was internalized misogyny, and I felt guilty about it. But then one day, about a year ago, it just clicked: I don't have settle for what doesn't feel like home - and wow - does that apply to every other part of my life too.

I am Chelsea. I am infinitely vast and deep. I am made up of the same things as the stars. I am neither one thing or another, I am everything all at once, forever. I don't want to be defined. I am fluid in EVERY single way, and definitions build up like a dam in this soul.

I am just Chelsea. I just am.

I had a lot more written out about the science of sex and gender but then I realized I don't owe anyone that. I don't have to comb through articles and gather data and present you with evidence of my identity. I just am, and I will continue regardless of your feelings on the matter.

Living an authentic life has cost me family, and I worry this will cost me more. It's a price I am comfortable paying now. To be anything less than all that I am would be a waste of this beautiful, free life. I have been fighting my mother's voice while I type. "She's just doing it for attention," I hear her say as she rolls her eyes. I know she's not the only one. I just don't care anymore.

I can never get back the years I was shamed into not being myself, but I can choose every single day to live in the full expression of my being, and that's exactly what I have been doing. That is exactly how I saved myself from the mental illness and torture that shame brought into my life.

Non-binary feels the most like home. Gender just really doesn't apply here. I am not what you assume I am because of my chest. I am not defined by the fact that I have a uterus I will never use. I have not, and will not, fit into the box created for me before I arrived on this earth. I am just Chelsea. I just am.

she/they 🌈